Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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