He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
