I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
