Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
