we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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