yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize