the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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