a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
