Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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