i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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