Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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