you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
