I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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