Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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