hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
