Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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