You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
