The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
