I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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