Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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