Someone shit on the floor
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
