he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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