What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
