I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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