Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
