dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
