my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize