i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
