I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you made out with another girl for some wings
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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