if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
