i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
