I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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