I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
