what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I lost the right to judge tonight
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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