Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
