I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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