If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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