oh god the rape fog is back!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
