Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
