suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They are going to name an STD after you.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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