He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
