you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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