Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
