get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
