since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
