Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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