I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
