what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
