Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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