Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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