I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
