Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
