would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize