remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
