I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
