piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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