Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize