He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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