Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They have beer where we have blood.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize