: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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