I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We smell like vodka and hangover
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