I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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