When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize