i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
