Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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