I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
