i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
