five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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