Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize