careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
