Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
