His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
