I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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