fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
