Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
