Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
