K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
