you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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